Embracing the New Normal: “The Uncertainty”

Hello People,

Happy New Year to all.

How have you been? I understand that I had ghosted most of you and didn’t greet you for Christmas. My apologies if I had kept you waiting. I had been facing life and decided to strive so my energies were diverted to surviving. I was trying to be strong enough, bold enough and happy enough to wish everyone for Christmas and New year but unfortunately that wasn’t enough. I think one of the most uncertain moments of your life teaches persistence, patience and prudence. Here I am in New year sharing those virtues I learnt over the past few weeks of my uncertainty.

Sometimes I wonder if I am sounding encouraging or pessimistic but I started this blog to speak of the reality. The reality where we can’t stay strong when you need to, the reality people expect us to smile when we can’t and the reality where our human self is just sensitive. I aspire to nurture that self that is raw and sensitive. Because I believe that the essence of life isn’t just to stay happy and believe in forever. But it is to face turbulence and overcome impossibilities of life that makes us feel purposeful and emotionally resilient. What are we gonna discuss today then? It’s about “embracing uncertainty”.

Uncertainty is a psychological state of having a sense of dissonance. A dissonance where you don’t perceive the hope in future, feel helpless in the present and traumatised over the past events. This is usually how depression is conceptualised as in a cognitive triad. The sense of helplessness and hopelessness makes us feel weak and low leading to decreased participation in the event at hand eventually making us feel worthless to deal with the situation. I personally won’t say you are not strong enough or ask you to head on deal with the situation. Instead I would ask you to weep/vent and be as human as possible. A human nature is to feel burdened, scared and sad when trouble comes and let that nature take over you without suppressing. Because you need not be strong enough, bold enough and happy enough all the time.

The sense of being happy all the time is a pressure we hold up on our shoulders to convince ourselves that our life right now doesn’t belong to us or problems doesn’t belong in our lives. The pressure to project our life as peaceful, satisfying and happy is a halo we created for ourselves BUT literally no one’s life is! On the contrary, I’m not saying that I do not believe in happiness or we don’t deserve to feel happy but it is about failing to accept the other varied colors of emotions in our life. How do we deal with the halo of life and contrasting reality of life?

For some of us, New year might not be as fulfilling and optimistic while other have put the past behind them and geared for what life has in store for them. Some might be unbothered by the life events and some numb not knowing where life is actually moving. Some are anxious of the future and some are planning vigorously on the new year resolutions. Wherever we are in life and whoever we are, we all are trying to live our life somehow by the strength we got. Aren’t we? Its funny how life ends up just as we have planned not to be at times or most times.

I would like all of us to reflect on these things in this New Year.

1. How long I want myself to be caught up in the halo of life? Is it difficult for me to believe that life has to be a mix of both good and bad. Most times in therapy sessions with clients, we do not encourage them, we tend to challenge them and when we do it makes their life even hard because they need to face those trauma and distress head on and doing it all alone cripples them. But as therapist, we have to help face the reality to make them move forward. So cry when you are feeling sad, tell yourself the reality and grieve to move forward to change. Because all of us know, climate eventually changes.
2. Am I worthless if I feel weak and cry? I think the age old notion of not crying during adversity has come from patriarchy and male-idealism has taken over the female-idealism too because all of us want to be macho and strong where as in real none of us are irrespective of gender. But why this association of strength and weeping happened? It probably is new for some people but crying or venting is good for you. When Jesus heard his friend Lazaurus has died, he weeped. You need to show that you have a human nature within you and be as real as possible so your body/mind knows its allowed to let it go than trying hard to keep it all masked. (I won’t say you need to cry on an important meeting or in a public place but if you can’t bear it, take a break and cry with someone you feel comfortable or even alone).
3. Comfort brings Courage: In life, friends and loved ones are your greatest support as they wish the best for you. Even if they aren’t bound by blood, they are bound by love. And love out of everything heals even the most broken person ever. Call them and tell them how you feel. Share the uncertainty even if they can’t help you sometimes, they can hear you. That comfort brings courage that you can face life’s adversity knowing you aren’t alone.
4. Mindfully moving forward: When you have grieved, shared and accepted the reality, gracefully move forward in life by doing things you have to and taking breaks when you need to. Mindfully being aware of your fear to face uncertain things and mindfully exposing yourself to those fears. You know what, eventually climate changes and you have changed too. A person who is better, stronger and more purposeful than before and of course, happier.

I wish you all a strong, purposeful and daring New year with the strength you earned from the past and the hope you have for the future.

Don’t believe in halo instead believe in your self and the higher power because that is the reality.

Happy New Year Again!