The Blank Slate – Terror of Starting Over!

‘Manzil Milegi, bhatak kar hi sahi; Gumaraha to wo hain, jo gar se nikle hi nahin’ – Mirza Ghalib

“Destination will be reached, even after straying off, lost are those who never left home” (Translation)

I resign! As she storms off from her boss’s office, Elisa walks out with a gleam of hope. She never thought she would leave her stable career at the age of 30 to find herself again. Elisa, the head of marketing has been known and liked by everyone for her diligence, creativity and morale. Yet, at some point ‘existential crisis’ strikes almost anyone at any age which was the starting point for Elisa’s resignation.

Existential Crisis is one such creeping monster which pushes us to the extreme to do something which we normally won’t do. It attacks the super-ego and brings down our whole life to ashes. As Elisa walked out of her office building, she saw the world in a new light. It was as if she could learn everything all over again but in a different way, may be the right way or not. She was excited about the new struggles of learning things; nothing seemed like a blueprint anymore. She has a blank slate.

If anyone who was in Elisa’s place would naturally be feeling dread, uncertainty and most importantly survival fear. In the 21st century where we don’t know when a crisis might hit, leaving a job and the whole career you’ve made in your waking adult hours seems like hitting rock-bottom. At least that’s what we believe. But for Elisa, it gave her a choice to choose the role she wanted to play at the moment. I could be anything I want, she thought.

I could be anything I want, she told herself.

It was 6 a.m. and the alarm rang. She woke up, switched off her alarm and went back to sleep. It felt like a vacation, a newly found freedom to sleep on a weekday till 10 a.m. Yet, the habit kept her up and eventually, she got out of bed, made her coffee and sat down with her journal. She went through the pages of her journal and realised, she had never been able to live free and feel alive. She has been feeling trapped as if life was slowly consuming her. It is at this moment, she took a new page and wrote, Who are you? and Who do you want to be?

Sometimes, we never ask the simple questions to ourselves because we are busy running around doing chores and fulfilling responsibilities. Just like a machine, giving out output and increasing its efficiency day by day. Our brain is also getting used to the mundane routine and the rewards for survival. According to the evolutionary theory, humans developed skills for survival and it is meant to bring food and shelter for one’s kin. Are we still just trying to survive and bring food to the table? Isn’t man made of passion, love, wisdom and on a quest? Have we forgotten that, we are more than just bringing food to the table.

Here is why, I insist on asking the simple questions to yourself. Who am I? When you ponder these questions, you realise that you aren’t the same person anymore looking for the same things you wanted a few years back. Things change, we change and our priorities change. As priorities and our lives change, it is only wise to make changes in ourselves too.

I think we were the wisest as a 5-year-old who wanted to become a pilot, a chef and a doll-maker. We had dreams and we weren’t afraid to have those dreams. It was personal to us and it made us happy and hopeful. But now, we never even try to send out the article we’ve written or the speech we intend to give or the audition that we want to give or the job application we want to send out. We have become so fearful, we have lost the essence of a joyful living.

And you are also afraid to ask the simple question, who are you? Because you are afraid, you will never come to know about him/her.

Yet, we love inspirations. Be it a TED talk by a person who has overcome the majority or a book talking about the steps they took to become a better version of themselves. Yet, what no one talks about is, do we take the less-trodden path in our life when given a choice. Or do we go by the majority, because who wants to struggle? Right?