The Guilty Christian: Do you Hate me God?

For God Hath Not Given Us the Spirit of Fear; But of Power and of Love and of a Sound Mind

2 Timothy 1:7

I grew up in a Catholic household where we start and end our day with the sign of the cross i.e., in the name of the father and of the son and of the holyspirit. A Catholic’s life is ordered, predictable and disciplined. On a side note, if you have a good memory it helps too. Because we by heart hundreds of prayers and we are tested often (of course by men).

I’m grateful for knowing God however, I wondered if God wanted me to recite the whole prayer to him whenever I went to meet him in the Church. Would he be disappointed if I daydreamed when I recite the rosary? Does that mean a ADHD mind can never please God? As far as the memory is concerned, some of us can’t by heart the verses or the prayers or just don’t want to by heart like in my case.

You could say I rebelled to by heart these prayers partially because I didn’t study properly and I didn’t study because it didn’t feel important to me in terms of building my relationship with God. I saw God as a person, as someone who loves me unconditionally and I wanted to know why he loves me. I wanted to spend time with him, get to know him and most importantly talk to him in my words. (Not through a set of prayers)

May be my love language is different. It took me a while to understand my love language with God. I liked a relationship. A relationship where we could talk about anything from what I hate to what I love.

That’s why my dear Christian people, I want to understand ‘Our Guilt’. The Guilt we always carry whenever we miss a beat in our spiritual journey. By the way, If you ever want to understand the Christian guilt, ask a Catholic! No offense my fellow Catholics.

rosary on top of opened bible book
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As a therapist, I see deep rooted emotions when patients talk about their past, their regrets and their experiences. Most often, this emotion of ‘Guilt’ is like a leech. It sucks your blood out of your body. And I recently came across a Christian couple who asked me if having a child through another person’s gametes is right. (This is called a ‘Donor IVF treatment for people who cannot have children using their own gametes) She asked me, ‘What does God say about it?’. (Bible doesn’t support such a way of getting a child or let’s just say, it isn’t quiet accepted in Christian faith). So, I wondered, What God would say?

Isn’t he the one who knows all of our struggles and pain? None of these Christian women have control over their pregnancy and knowing that, God would ask them to be childless? You can see the Guilt and the pain in these women who ask you this difficult question but I just look up to God and ask, Is this you who is making us feel miserable?

grayscale photo of people raising hands
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And so I read this line in an article, ‘I know God has forgiven me, but I can’t forgive myself’. Guilt is a self-imposed cross we carry assuming carrying would make things better for you and your relationship with God. But none of the people in the Bible who felt Guilty could approach God with their feelings of Guilt. So, Guilt is the first step towards moving away from God.

Guilt in the beginning of the world kept Adam and Eve from approaching God. Guilt is satan’s play of working against God by using God. When we feel guilty, we forget about God’s love.

2 Corianthians 7:10 says, ‘For godly sorrow produces repentence to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death’ (The New King James Version).

Now to answer this question, Is this you God who is making us feel miserable?

I guess the Bible is clearly telling us, our God promises a plan for us, a plan that doesn’t harm us but to give us a hope and a future. Jesus told us clearly that whoever walks in the light and follow his(Jesus) ways would be called his friends. He died for us knowing the world’s sorrow is too hard for us bear. He borne these sins upon his shoulders, so we would have life. He never wants you to feel guilty or miserable. Just go to God and tell your concerns, he will make ways for you. Let not satan use God to make you feel Guilty.

Dear fellow Christians, I hope these reflections bring you closer to God. Let’s meditate on the verse that was told at the beginning of this article. God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power and love and of a sound mind.

Praise God!