Read this short story to understand how trauma unfolds in children…
It was a late afternoon when I was sitting and staring at the passengers in the supermarket aisle along with my other friends. I am usually the chirpy doll among my friends while others grunt at the customers entering the aisle. They never wanted a family or a friend to call their own but I was the optimistic one as I expect someone to pick me up to call their own. It was that time I noticed a small girl approaching the shelf where I was seated and she picked me up with her tiny hands with a huge smile on her face. It was my life’s dream to belong to someone and to bring happiness in someone else life. I was elated.
The girl who picked me up had large eyes, soft lips and a sweet smile. She must be 2 years old approximately flaunting in her watermelon dress. She had a soft yet strong childish voice with eyes beaming at her parents to buy for her the toy she picked (that’s me). I had never been picked ever before in the last 2 years I was in that supermarket and people even wanted to throw me away because they felt I’m an ugly doll. Yet, I believed I must be beautiful in someone else eyes and there will be a time when I can of worth too. I had been waving goodbye to my friends and happily left the place I had lived for the past 2 years with a beam of joy and optimism to see the world in the eyes of the little girl.
As I left the supermarket, I saw the world in a completely different lens with cars crowding at the streets, people busy walking past each other and street vendors expecting a good profit. This little girl held me tightly in her hand as she was also staring at the road like me. I was happy to be held and happy to have to found a place. The car reached a house and they all got down to unpack the things into the house. This little girl ran inside a room and opened a huge trunk. I cannot believe my eyes; the little girl has a world inside that trunk with different things segregated into compartments. There were many other dolls like me, a video game, gift articles, stationaries, a house shaped piggy bank and various other play materials. She seemed like a chirpy kid like me and it felt nice to be with her. She carried me with her all along and never made me feel alone.
It has been one week since I came to this house and I have understood the family structure and interactions quiet well. This little girl is left alone during the day while her parents are off to work. She eats the food in the table and sees the television all day. During the day she also plays with me different games and with the other dolls as well. It’s fun to having to spend time this way and there has never been a day I would call boring. This little girl stays chirpy every day when her parents come and runs around making the room vibrant as she is. It is until one day, the little girl had gone somewhere and I was expecting her to return soon but weeks went by and I grew weary of not seeing her face. After a month or so, I heard she is coming back and it felt the same way I was in the supermarket aisle waiting for someone to pick me up with new day optimism. I saw her entering the house and I was happy to see her but she isn’t the chirpy girl anymore. She was slouched, her eyes looked tired and she had no smile or those bright eyes anymore. I thought probably she is tired from a long journey and I was waiting for her to get her rest. After she had rested a while, she came back to me and picked me up with the same slouched body and a dull smile as she took me to a corner and sat with me. She isn’t excited about anything and I noticed something could have happened back there. I slowly rested my head on her and she hugged me tightly as well. I realized people cannot have optimism all the time and it changes when life changes.
It was weeks and the little girl never returned back to her usual self. She did the usual things like playing with me and with the other toys, watching cartoon and playing outside but never the same girl anymore. She is quieter now. As she grew up, she had been becoming quieter and duller. When she returns from school, I find herself crying in the corner and in fear most of the time. She didn’t have any friends in school, I realized. She cried every day and cried herself to sleep. I really was feeling very down to see her grow up this way.
A day came when she was asked to go and live somewhere else even though she didn’t like it. She left with a heavy heart and through her way she felt heavy inside. She carried me with her this time and I felt better because at least she won’t be alone. Weeks after reaching there, she grew more weary day by day and never even played.
I witnessed many things at that house where they had been torturing her since the day one by physically abusing her, making her work, verbally abusing and even didn’t let her sleep at night. She never spoke a word but kept crying all day and night with no one to redeem her from the pain. I cried with her when she was tormented and hurt by others. Time to time she did smile when her parents visited her but they will leave eventually and she becomes emotionally silenced. She grew numb which I never wanted her to be and that lead her to silently take all the bullying. She worked hard to prove herself and she did find herself doing well in school academically. But eventually all the pain from bullying lead her to complete failure in her academics. Somewhere God must have himself never wanted to see this girl undergo what is being inflicted, she was taken back to her own house. She was happy and I was relieved to see her back at herself again.
When she returned her trunk toys were gone and her valued belongings were gone. It was taken away from her. She was broken. I thought, poor kid has not been destined to be happy. She was put in a school where she had been tormented and bullied every day for her name and the way she is looking. She is a beautiful girl but those rags didn’t know the impact they had on the kid. I was feeling the pain in her heart and I could sense no optimism in myself to bring the joy back in life. I decided to travel along with her.
When she was almost over with that grade, she changed school and you know by now she never does get a way out of the dark hole. The school she went to became all the more painful for her by physical and verbal abuse experienced everyday all through her whole grade. She cried and cried and never spoke a word but craved love and approval. By now she is rowing her boat alone with no one to help her out. She didn’t know to cry out for help.
I do not intend to say this about her.
She became the unspoken rag doll who forgot to speak and thrown away when she isn’t needed.